Singing During the Pandemic

     Sorry for my delay posting this: here is information about singing and the Covid-19 virus from last spring. Unfortunately most of this info is still very relevant:
 
     I hope you are all safe and healthy during these scary times. I’m including a lot of advice here for how to keep singing safely as we make our way through the Covid-19 pandemic.

     The bad news for singers: we continue to learn more about the virus daily, but experts agree that the virus is spread via saliva droplets. Singing can project those droplets much farther than the recommended 6 feet of distance we’ve been told to keep:
 
     “Singers are at high risk for transmission for COVID-19... Because singers are vocal athletes and they engage in diaphragmatic breathing, they can actually generate much more aerosols which can spread further.”
Phillip C. Song, MD, Mass. Eye and Ear

     “And at this juncture, we don't want people doing voice lessons, even standing eight-and-a-half feet apart," William Schaffner, professor of infectious diseases at Vanderbilt University Medical Center

     But we need to keep singing! Read on for some ideas about how you can safely keep singing.

YOUR SINGING REGIMEN

     Now is a great time to consistently warm up, sing through your repertoire, learn new songs, write songs, build your accompaniment skills, work on related skills like sight-singing. Figure out your goals and how much time you can realistically devote to a singing practice. Set reasonable goals and don’t overdo it to prevent burnout: leave time for rest, these are stressful times.
    Many are sheltering with others and have to figure out how to practice without disturbing your family or housemates. Some of my students are singing in closets where the sound is muffled, or in rooms far from others. Or they just agree on a time where their families or housemates won't mind if they sing.
     Though standing when singing is preferable you can always go sit in a car to practice.

ONLINE SINGING LESSONS

     Skype [my favorite], Zoom, Google Chat, all these work for online singing lessons. All online platforms have a slight lag, which means teachers can’t accompany you. Your deejay skills will improve during this time because you will need to play your own tracks while singing for your teacher, whether those are karaoke tracks or tracks your teacher has recorded and sent to you. If possible play your tracks on a different device than what you use for Skyping. Have all of your tracks organized in a folder or iTunes playlist, one for your warmups and one for your song tracks.
     The pandemic has hurt our economy and many can’t afford singing lessons right now, but want to continue learning. Many teachers will meet with you for one lesson instead of many and work out a study plan--I’ve done this for several students this year. There are also many singing tutorials on Youtube you can work through. Just make sure to use common sense as you try different methods: remember that if it hurts to sing it’s not good for you.

SINGING WITH OTHERS

     Sadly, that lag on all of the online platforms makes practicing online with others in real time near impossible. Platforms like JamKazam are touted as not having a lag and are worth trying, but I’ve seen posts in musician forums that say the lag exists there as well. One of my students just got her MA in recording technology and she tells me that inventing an online platform with no lag is all anyone in her department talks about! For now your best bet might be recording your vocals and sharing with other singers, who then add their vocals. The Acappella app is free and easy to use for this, and there are others out there as well.

     Here’s an article that goes over more ways to sing with others.
 
      If you need help with harmonies or want to up your harmonizing skills while sheltering check out my Sing Harmonies app, or Harmony Singing by Ear [sigh: the cover reminds me of when we didn't need to socially distance].

GIGS

Lastly, if your area has reopened and live music is happening:
 
Audience members: stay out of the front row! Remember how far those droplets can project.
 
Performers: bring your own mic to your gig. Distance yourself from any other musicians on stage. Whenever possible do outdoor gigs instead.

What If You Don't Feel Like Singing?

   It has been a rough year for many singers during the pandemic. I hope you have stayed healthy and have found ways to keep singing. I’ve been very impressed by my students this year. Some have really used their extra stay-at-home time to double-down on practicing. Some have been working on sets of songs in preparation for when we’re all free to go to concerts again. Some have been live-streaming to stay in touch with their fans. And one go-getter student gigged steadily from the summer until now, all at outside/distanced shows.

    But some of us have been too challenged by 2020 to do much besides scrape by and watch too much TV. I have singer friends who haven’t sung in months. If this sounds like you don’t let your lack of singing or practicing get you down. It’s enough right now to just get through the pandemic, you don’t have to do more than that. Singing will still be there when you feel like singing again.

     If you don’t feel like singing but you really want to get or keep your voice going, try the baby steps approach: 

1. Once a day sing a song, any song, a cappella.
2. If songs feel too emotional set a timer for 5-10 minutes and sing some of your warmups. Just a small bit of singing can help you retain your vocal strength and technique, and since endorphins are released when we sing it might also brighten your mood.
3. Forget songs and warmups: just make some sounds. They might be out-of-tune, silly, sing-songy, or weird. Just let yourself vocalize in some way. Do it in the shower if you’re worried about others hearing you.
        I have done all of the above at various times this year!

        If you are like my singer friend who completely stopped singing last spring but are now ready to bring your voice back, go slowly as you let your vocal cords and singing habits reawaken. Sing small-range songs. Perhaps only do the earlier, easier parts of your warmup. You may need to pay more attention to breathing and facial resonance for awhile. If you can do lip trills (also called lip rolls or motorboating) and/or tongue rolls do a lot of them: loose ones, or over scales or songs. I show you these starting at 2:54 of my video “Singing When You’re Sick”.
    If you’re really feeling rusty or having difficulties bringing your voice back, my method The Vocal Recovery Warmup can help. It includes several warmups of varying levels of difficulty, plus lots of instruction. One of my students, who sings professionally, still uses the last set of exercises as his daily warmup. Make sure to read the pdf guidebook that comes with the download, the audio lessons can be used alone but using them in tandem with the book is much more effective.

    I hope we all get to sing with each other and for each other, IN PERSON, in 2021!

What I Learned About Singing at Zumba Class

When I was living in Santa Cruz during college there was a fabulous afro-cuban dance class downtown, with live drummers. Over a hundred people would show up for an hour of hip-swaying, butt-shaking tribal dance. I’m not a trained dancer and I could never get the moves down, but since I love to dance it was still loads of fun. Going to a Zumba class at my local Nashville gym once or twice a week is as close as I can get now to recreating those Santa Cruz days. The music isn’t live, but the dance moves from different cultures and the array of music from around the world still can make for a great time. The teacher can make or break a class, however. A good Zumba teacher knows lots of routines and can convey them easily, can keep everyone moving, and will look like they’re having fun all the while.

When my beloved Zumba teacher of several years switched careers, two different teachers took over her Tuesday and Thursday classes. I went to Marie’s class on Thursday and it was awful: she was clearly new to teaching Zumba and her inexperience showed. She only knew 25 minutes worth of dance routines, so we had to do the same clunky dances twice during the hour. She kept stopping to look at her notes during the routines. The music she chose was too disco-y. I tried her class a couple of times, then gave up and avoided it. That only left one other class I could take, Annie’s class on Tuesdays. She was a trained dancer and knew her stuff. I joined her class and stayed with it for several months.

As the months rolled on the classes became less and less fun. I realized that we always did the same routines, and that the moves seemed more militaristic than hip-swaying/African/Latin/Cuban-ish. Annie moved well, but she never looked like she was having any fun. She often looked liked she’d rather be at the movies with her boyfriend.

Other people were voting with their feet, and Annie’s class size was steadily shrinking. I skipped it one week due to another commitment, and in desperation for exercise (this was in the dead of winter) I returned to Marie’s Thursday class. Holy moly, what a difference! She not only had collected a huge variety of music and learned a bunch of routines, she not only had learned how to signal us new fun moves as we all danced, but she exuded enthusiasm all the while. She clearly was having a blast teaching the class. She’d scamper up and dance with different students, and made sure she knew everyone’s name. New students of any level were welcomed with enthusiasm. She even played the quick “Jeopardy” theme twice during the hour, so we could all get water--no teacher had ever thought to add water break music to their mix. Everything about the class said “Whoever you are, come have some fun!” As I danced away I was filled with the sheer joy of dancing, something I hadn’t felt for many months.

So what does this have to do with singing?

1) Don’t pigeonhole someone with an initial judgement. I gave a few lessons to someone years ago and pegged her early on as someone who needed lots of help-- and even then would probably never improve much. She disappeared for a year and then returned, telling me that during the year she’d been working with the recordings I’d made for her of our few lessons. She not only sounded fantastic, but she got a record deal six months later. I learned not to make hard and fast predictions about how quickly or how much a singer might improve. Wish I’d thought not to judge Marie so quickly as well!

2) Don’t pigeonhole yourself with a judgment about your singing. Just as with athletics, singing is partly mental. If you decide that you’ll never sing high (or powerfully, or in tune, or well enough to go pro, or whatever), you may be setting yourself up to fail.

3) The joy factor is vital. Most people study voice or pursue careers as singers because they love to sing. Singing is one of the great joys of life. It engages you physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. If singing has been no fun for you lately, figure out why and make some changes. Recently I realized I’d been singing the same practice songs for way too long. I recorded some new practice songs and voila`, suddenly I was having fun again.


Now you know where I’ll be on Thursdays at 5:30.

Inspiration for a Wimpy Voice

I fell off the practicing wagon while on vacation, then once home promptly got the summer cold everyone seems to have had lately. Then my voice finally came limping back, and it was time to rebuild strength. I knew what would happen the first few days: it would feel like I hadn’t sung for years and I’d cringe at my vocal wimpyness. I’d feel like a beginning singer, a charlatan, an imposter. Then gradually, if I could tolerate my sound and keep practicing, my voice would get stronger, I’d get over the initial weak voice hump and I’d feel like practicing and singing regularly again. But I was resisting moving through the hump. I needed inspiration.

Last night, while researching a project online, I listened to several master singers singing wonderful songs. Some were songs and performances everyone knows, but I hadn’t heard them for awhile. By the fifth song I was revved up and ready to practice. Maybe that’s the mark of an extraordinary singer and a wonderful song: they not only move you, they make you want to sing.

Here are the songs and performances that got to me, in case you’re looking for inspiration. If you’re short on time just listen to Sam Cooke, that should do it:

Sam Cooke: A Change Is Gonna Come

Eva Cassidy: True Colours

Judy Garland: Over The Rainbow

More Over The Rainbow: Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

Let Him Fly: Patti Griffin

Marc Broussard: Home

   If you've found or rediscovered songs and performances that inspire you, feel free to post them in the comments section below.

How to Turn Vocal Cords Into Corn Flakes: Singing Vs. Air Conditioning

Yesterday I started warming up a very gifted student of mine and her singing sounded like her vocal cords were made of corn flakes. “You sound air-conditioned out,” I said. “Huh?” she replied. “Do you run your AC at night?” I asked. “Yes, I blast it,” she answered. “Is that a problem?”

I don’t know how she missed all my ranting about air-conditioning and what it does to the voice, but in case you have missed it too, here goes: Vocal cords like to be moist. Air-conditioning cools the air by pulling moisture out of it. Breathing air-conditioned air dries out your vocal cords.

Remember Border’s Books? I was playing a gig at the west Los Angeles Borders in the late 1990s. It was icy in there from the AC. I was wailing away when all of a sudden: no voice. Gone, just like that. It was a duo performance with my drummer pal Albe Bonacci, so I squawked a barely audible: “Drum solo!” and dove for my water bottle. Once I was hydrated my voice returned enough to finish the show. Later I read that it was zero humidity in LA that day, and the Borders AC was drying the air who knows how much more. My poor vocal cords didn’t stand a chance.

Some singers are more affected by AC than others. Before that show I’d noticed some vocal dryness from AC, but I’d never experienced just how much it can mess with the voice.

We had a very mild winter and spring here in Nashville, Tennessee, which does not portend well for the summer. On Cinco de Mayo I sat sweating in the park, watching the wonderful Fisk Jubilee Singers. It was 90 degrees at 5 PM in early May and I thought “We’re in for it this summer”. AC is necessary when it gets really hot. What’s a singer to do?

1) Ceiling fans. Some think they are bad since they can blow dust and other allergens around, but I love them. Just wipe the dust off the blades periodically.

2) Build up your tolerance for heat. When students aren’t around I keep my thermostat set at 80 degrees. No kidding. 82 at night, and that’s for my labrador's sake since she can’t take off her coat. It’s the green thing to do, too.
Last summer the government of Japan requested that the country's workforce keep the thermostats in their office buildings set at 82.

3) Wear light clothing made of breathable fabric like cotton and silk.

4) Drink gobs of water, room temperature. A gallon a day at least, says Carlton Lee, the LA voice doctor I sent all my students to when I lived there. See my article on what singers should eat and drink for more on that.

5) If it’s really hot and you must run your AC, run a humidifier as well to put some moisture back in the air. Cool mist humidifiers won’t heat the air, but regular cheap humidifiers are often quieter, so take your pick. I use the latter.

While I’m ranting, what’s up with movie theaters, restaurants, museums etc. where the thermostat is set at 62 in the summer and 72 in the winter? There I’ll be in my nice summer dress in July, shivering away. My local movie theater finally changed its ways this year, but before that I was taking my down jacket with me to summer movies. Don’t the owners of these places realize how much money they’ll save on power bills by adjusting the thermostat a bit? Not to mention conserving energy.

Okay, back to singing:

6) Warm up and do your practicing early in the day, before the heat rises and the AC kicks on.

7) Warm up and sing in the shower where it’s good and steamy.

8) If you live in humid places like Tennessee, take breaks while singing and go outside to get some moisture on your vocal cords.

Don’t think that celebrities are immune to the effects of AC. When Celine Dion had her zillion dollar concert hall built for her in Las Vegas she made sure it was humidity controlled. Plus there’s a steam room backstage for her voice. Sounds good to me!

Lessons for Singers from Whitney Houston

As of this writing no one knows for sure what killed Whitney Houston, though from initial reports it sounds like a lethal combination of alcohol and drugs. My heart goes out to her family and friends. In her heydey, no one in the pop/R&B world could match her. Her voice was a stunning combination of beautiful tone, strength, range, and finesse. I didn’t closely follow the ups and downs of Whitney Houston’s life, and I certainly don’t know her motivations and demons. So I hope it doesn’t seem crass that I’ve been pondering a few things that other singers might learn from her life and her passing. Here goes:

• It helps to have talented family. I’m sure she was born with tons of innate talent, but Whitney’s mother was Cissy Houston and her cousin was Dionne Warwick. I have to guess there was some serious vocal mentoring going on as she grew up. Listen to your elders. I bet Whitney did.

• Even with talent, prepare to work hard. Once she was signed to Arista by Clive Davis, Whitney worked her butt off on all aspects of performing for years before she became an “overnight” sensation in the mid-80s.

• If you hit it big, give back. Whitney gave much more to the world than her gorgeous voice. I think many of us didn’t notice that because we were busy watching her life go from glorious to melodrama. Among her many contributions: she refused to work with companies who supported apartheid in South Africa, she supported the release of Nelson Mandela, her non-profit foundation helped needy children worldwide, and her Bodyguard movie helped pave the way for greater acceptance of interracial relationships.

• Respect your instrument. As her drug and marital troubles mounted, Whitney let her voice go and lost her beautiful upper register. If you are blessed with an incredible voice, take good care of it. If you heard Bonnie Raitt on this year’s Grammies, you heard how good a singer can still sound at age 62. Bonnie also had substance abuse problems, then got clean and now sounds as good as ever.

• Want longevity? Avoid drugs and alcohol. Singers statistically live longer than regular people, perhaps because we breathe better so our organs are better oxygenated (at least that’s what I’ve read). At any rate, those longevity stats are for singers who don’t abuse drugs like poor Whitney. And Billie Holiday and Cass Elliot, and the list goes on.

Rest in peace, Whitney Houston.

How I Con Myself Into Warming Up

I am as busy, lazy and and/or distracted as the next singer. But I know I sing better if I warm up. Here are ten ways I can con myself into warming up my voice.

1] Location Location Location: My warm up CD is always in my stereo and in my car. When I turn on the car it starts playing, and before I can think to switch to the radio I’m singing instead.

2] Bribery: No lunch until I’ve warmed up.

3] More Bribery: No working on that song I’ve started writing until I warm up.

4] Even More Bribery: No singing that cool song I just learned until I’ve warmed up.

5] Habit: I try to warm up at the same time every day.

6] Schedule a Performance: There is nothing like the fear of doing poorly in front of an audience to get me practicing.

7] Combine It With a Mundane Task: I can do simple initial warm ups while doing the dishes or watering the plants. By the time I get to the harder songs or exercises (where I need to stop and focus) momentum keeps me going.

8] Competition: I watch one astonishing singer or another on Youtube and it puts the fear into me of not keeping up. Even better is:

9] Inspiration: I watch an astonishing singer on Youtube and it makes me want to sing. But I don’t get to sing songs until I’ve warmed up (see “Bribery”)

10] Motivation: I read blogs like this one!

...But My Voice Won't Let Me

For the first time since I was sixteen (when I was too young and dumb to appreciate it) I went on a vacation to Europe, specifically Paris, Tuscany and Rome. It was crazy, wonderful, and inspiring, but halfway through the trip I was laid low by the worst chest cold I’d had since I can remember, which ravaged my vocal cords and left me with less than a whisper for several days. It has now been almost three weeks and I’m just beginning to be able to croak out a couple of notes.

I’ve heard that Frank Sinatra would fall into a deep depression whenever he got sick and couldn't sing. Me, I just get thoroughly pissed off. Not being able to sing is like temporarily losing my left pinkie: I can manage without it, but I don’t feel whole. Plus, it takes awhile to build up vocal strength, and regaining that after an illness, especially a longer one like mine, takes more than a couple of days. So laryngitis and dealing with colds is on my mind. A few thoughts:

• Some singers have asked me if they should still sing when they are sick. I had a voice coach who told me that unless you have strep throat you should do your warm ups, but I think that’s insane. If it hurts to sing you should probably rest your voice if you can. If what you have is mild allergies or a head cold that is sitting in your nose and not your throat, then you can probably sing through it. It’s when the cold has irritated your cords that you could further the irritation by singing.

• If you’re sick and have a gig or rehearsal that night and the show must go on: rest your voice, drink fluids, inhale steam, hum. Unless you are really sick, the adrenaline of performing often will knock out most your cold symptoms for the duration of the gig. You can try rubbing Preparation H on your adam’s apple since it shrinks tissue and may shrink some of vocal cord inflammation.

• What do the famous singers do when they get sick and have a huge concert that night? Some get steroids shot right into their vocal cords. This reduces the swelling enough to get them through the show, but the next day there’s a slap-back effect and they lose their voice for the day. I’ve been told by someone in his inner circle that Marilyn Manson used to book his tours as a series of three days on and one day off: He’d scream through the first two days of shows, lose his voice and get a steroid shot to make it through the third day, then lose his voice the fourth day and wait for it to come back. Then the cycle would start again. This is not a plan I’d recommend!

• What about tea, honey and lemon? Honey is soothing. Citrus will dry your vocal cords. So will tea, though not as much as citrus. Theoretically, if your throat is full of crud and you figure out the right cocktail of tea and lemon that dries it out but doesn’t overly dry it, it could help. But it’s the steam in tea that really can soothe. I’d vote for herbal tea and honey just to be safe.

When your voice is starting to return:

• Breathe, breathe, breathe. We all get pooped and breathe more shallowly when we’re sick, so the first thing to get back are those good, full singer’s breaths.

• Go slow. Your vocal cords have been roughed up for a chunk of time and probably are still tender. Start with easy warm ups and songs.

If you, too, have a cold, you have my sympathy. No one likes getting a cold, but singers are hit especially hard. Let’s all get and stay healthy, then let’s make a vow to wash our hands more and cover our mouths when coughing and sneezing to reduce the spread of germs. It'll help reduce the amount of grouchy sick singers pacing the earth, waiting for their voices to return.

More Thoughts on Stage Fright

I recently did five shows in the space of a couple of weeks, so I got to revisit my old friend stage fright. Most of the time I did fine despite my nerves, and occasionally did more than fine. A very critical friend I've known since fourth grade, an excellent singer who never gives idle compliments, saw me sing in LA. When he told me after the show that he’d never heard me sing so well I knew I’d done a decent job. So I suppose it's possible to sing and play well and be super nervous. But it’s way more fun to conquer the nerves, really be inside your body during a show, and own the stage.

I’m a Nervous Nellie, as are many singers. In the nineties I had a deer-in-the-headlights goddawful bad experience on stage, from which it took me years to recover. So when students tell me about their abject terror at the idea of singing in public I’m right there with them. During the years after my horrible stage experience I explored every stage fright cure I could find, enough to put in a book. But every time I perform I either learn something new, or relearn some points I should remember by now. Most of the following are additions to what I already put in the article I wrote about stage fright that's posted on my site. Hope they are helpful.

Stay warm
Apparently I have acclimated to Nashville’s long hot summers. I was freezing at a house concert in California in July. I was gabbing with guests outside right up until showtime and didn’t think to grab a sweater. And, to be honest, I didn’t want to cover up my outfit with a sweater. So due to vanity and stupidity I started the show freezing cold, which seemed to take what had been garden variety nerves into “Holy moly, what are the chords and lyrics?” territory. I’d be singing a line and have no idea what the next chord or lyric was, until at the last nanosecond they’d reveal themselves. Being cold is no good for the vocal cords, either. Since pre-performance nerves can make you colder, bundle up and wear scarves until you walk on stage. If the venue is icy bring a decent jacket to wear on stage-- the audience will love it when you take it off after a few songs.

Take a minute (or five) to get centered right before the show
Some of my recent shows were attended by people I hadn’t seen in several years, and I wanted to catch up with as many of them as possible. At one show I happily yacked away until the moment I was called onstage. Bad idea, resulting in bad focus that lasted for a few songs. After many years of performing I’ve developed a pre-show ritual involving yoga and visualizing that serves me well. If I’m time-crunched I can reduce it to a couple of minutes. But if I don’t take the time to get centered before I walk onstage I can spend part of the set catching up with myself. Lack of focus plus nerves are a terrible combination.

When you think you can sing your songs in your sleep, practice even more
All of the aforementioned songs for which I couldn’t remember the chords and lyrics had been very well rehearsed, or so I thought. I’m always amazed at how a bit of stage fright can give me amnesia. If I had stayed warm and taken a moment to get focused I may not have blanked out on those songs, but it sure wouldn’t have hurt to put in even more time practicing. I don’t believe that you can over-rehearse a song, you just learn it more deeply and build more muscle memory to carry you through any stage blank-outs.

Put an easy song up front
If you’re like most performers your nervousness will be worse at the start of the show. Knowing that’s true for me, I put an easy belter first on the set list. I prefer belters early on, since I can channel nervous energy into them. I save ballads that require more control for later on in the set. Partway through my mini-tour I changed things up and put a different song first, a non-belter. Bad idea, resulting in a less than strong beginning. I switched back to my belter for the rest of the shows.

Assume that you’ll be nervous onstage and prepare for it
At one show I felt perfectly calm before I went on, so I skipped my usual pre-show calming rituals. As soon as I began singing I felt the nerves descend, and though I soon worked through them I never felt like I was really in my body during the show. Develop a pre-show regimen and stick with it whether you have pre-show jitters or not. If you are happily nerve-free for any show, a pre-show regimen will still help strengthen your focus and performance.

While practicing, plan for distractions
My husband was playing a short set before me when in walked a friend he hadn’t seen in many years, sporting never-seen-before bleach blond hair. Tom laughed, promptly forgot what he was doing and actually had to stop his song mid-performance to recover. When you’re practicing for a show, audition, whatever, try to imagine sudden distractions happening so you can strengthen your focus. You can even ask friends or band members to try and distract you as you rehearse. Sounds crazy, but you never know when an old friend with new bleach blond hair will arrive during your show.

Swimming and Singing

I learned early in my vocal studies that swimming and yoga are two of the best forms of exercise for singers. Whether you’re swimming or doing most yoga poses, you’re stretched out with your rib cage lifted, and you pretty much can’t help but breathe deeply. I used to run (before my knees told me to permanently stop), and back then I discovered at one point that I could breathe pretty shallowly and still run. I find it next to impossible to take a shallow breath while doing yoga or swimming.

But it’s the summer, so It’s swim-time. I swim in the winter, too, but it’s way more fun to swim when it’s hot outside and I can swim at an outdoor pool or the occasional lake, do the backstroke, and watch birds and planes fly overhead. I’m not a gifted nor a strong swimmer, just a devoted one. The bonus happens later when I sing: my breathing and posture are better, and as a result my tone is better. Everything feels easier. I almost always sound better after a quick voice warm up and a swim than after a longer vocal warm up and no swim.

Notes on singing and swimming for all you swimming singers.

1) It doesn’t really work to do them at the same time, but I’ve tried.

2) While swimming I can:
a. Memorize song lyrics
b. Mentally rehearse songs
c. Think of clever things to say in-between songs at a show
d. Write and rewrite songs
e. On rare occasions: stop thinking and analyzing for once and just be

3) Fins are like having little foot motors, and they make swimming laps way more fun.

4) The only goggles that fit me and don’t leak leave welts on my face. I have to leave time for my face to recover if I have a show that night. Don’t write me about your amazing goggles, please: I’m hard to fit and went through over a dozen pairs before I found ones that worked.

5) I’m often ravenous after swimming and crave junk like jelly bears and pork chops even though I don’t eat sugar or red meat. I should bring apple or power bar to the pool with me.

One hot summer evening I was doing laps at 7 PM , enjoying the many birds soaring above me. There were many more than usual, and they kept flying closer to the pool. Suddenly one of them dive-bombed the pool, then another, then another. They avoided me, but were splashing close by. It was like a scene from the movie “The Birds”. Finally I called out to the lifeguard “Hey, what’s with these weird birds?” She said “Those aren’t birds, they’re bats. They’re diving for bugs.” Which bring me to point #6:

Watch out for bats.